Here is the transcript for today’s mini-episode in The How to Not Panic Sessions.
Hey there, here we are again. Folks, I know that we are in the midst of a wild moment in time. I know the Coronavirus and ALL of the unknowns that we are collectively facing makes for a tumultuous experience. But I have to tell you: there is SO MUCH love and compassion and kindness all around us right now, too. I went to Costco because I actually NEEDED to go to Costco, and it was a zoo. It was way worse than Christmastime. But you know what? Everyone was so NICE. Everyone was so KIND. And all of our inboxes are being bombarded with emails from companies who are informing us of their plans, how they want to keep their people safe and healthy, and some of those companies are offering things like free shipping and coupon codes to make things happen in a more “to-go” way than usual. And hey, Disney Plus gave us Frozen 2, so we got to watch that as a family last night, which was a super fun surprise.
I’m just saying: this isn’t great. I get that. I feel like the kids may never go back to school and I am questioning even the most benign things, like can we go to the orthodontist or have friends over? It’s a deeply weird time.
But it’s also a beautiful time. It really is. There is so much loveliness around us. And I know I’ve told you this before, but we do absolutely find what we’re looking for. So just be onto yourself. Check in with yourself and see, what evidence am I seeking here and now? Am I looking for chaos and bad news and stock markets crashing and upheaval everywhere? Or am I looking for something, ANYTHING, else?
Ok, we’ve talked about Thinking On Purpose and how we need to take control of our thinking and be mindful of what we’re thinking and what feelings we’re creating for ourselves. And we talked about Completing the Stress Response Cycle, and helping your body move through the 3 stages of that cycle so that you don’t get stuck in fight-or-flight, but you give yourself a way to move through that and into the end zone, the “I’m safe” relief of completing the cycle.
Today, we’re going to talk about The Pause. This is a concept that I first heard in a really organized way in Tara Brach’s book, Radical Acceptance. In fact, here’s how she puts it. This is a quote from her book that I’m shortening a bit to share with you here. She says:
“In our lives we often find ourselves in situations we can’t control, circumstances in which none of our strategies work. Helpless and distraught, we frantically try to manage what is happening… The more we fear the more frenetically our bodies and minds work. We fill our days with continual movement: mental planning and worrying, habitual talking, fixing, scratching, adjusting, phoning, snacking, discarding, buying, looking in the mirror.
What would it be like if, right in the midst of this busyness, we were to consciously take our hands off the controls?... What if we were to intentionally stop our mental computations and our rushing around and, for a minute or two, simply pause and notice our inner experience?”
This is exactly what so many of us are facing right now. A forced pause. An unexpected, perhaps somewhat unwanted, pause. You may be home from work. The kids may be home from school. Soccer, libraries, after-school fundraisers, golf, parties, events, get-togethers...it’s all being canceled. As a society, we are taking a collective breath...many of us for the first time ever. We’re looking around going, “huh, what now?”
I know this pause comes with challenges. I know there is childcare and appointments and errands to figure out. I know that events that people are really excited about are being postponed or outright canceled. I know there are big decisions to be made daily, HOURLY, about what’s in the best interest. I know there are huge disappointments and inconveniences. I get it. Me, too. Here, too. We’re all experiencing a range of change and upset at the moment.
And it is so important to honor that. To allow the disappointment and frustration and upset. We need to acknowledge all of that. My kids are bummed out - no soccer, no libraries, no arcade parties, no movies over spring break...there’s a lot that we have all been excited about that just isn’t going to happen right now.
And also...at the same time...we have this moment, this pause, together. We have this time that we literally NEVER get. We have this opportunity to connect that we almost never are offered because life is so busy and frantic all the time. We have a real chance here. If we acknowledge the pause…
So, I admit, that yesterday I lost my head a little bit because I could see that my kids (and my husband, let’s be honest) were all looking at this forthcoming break as if they were going to have a chance to conquer Zelda or play endless hours of Pokemon or whatever. But once I got over the initial flash of frustration and was able to show up for a real conversation, I asked them: guys, what do you WANT to do here? What do you always want to do that we don’t have time for? That we can’t get to? That you’ve wondered about or been curious about?
And my older son said he wanted to re-read some of his favorite books. He said he’s always excited about NEW books and reading the NEXT thing, but now that he thought of it, there were books that he really enjoyed sitting on his shelf that he wanted to revisit. And I thought YES. And I also thought, HE IS TOTALLY MY SON. Hahaha…
And my younger son said he wanted to learn to play the piano. You guys. My heart just about burst at that. We have a piano in our living room and he’s asked about taking lessons a few times, but dude, when are we going to take lessons? So I got on Amazon and ordered up some beginner piano books and my son and I are going to daily (DAILY!) piano lessons together for who knows how long. He may come out of this isolation playing Beethoven, who knows.
Here’s my point: I know we’re all bummed about something. We’re all inconvenienced in some way. Yes. And it’s important, really important to allow ourselves to feel bummed and inconvenienced. It’s ok. It’s appropriate, in fact. It makes perfect sense.
But you know what? We humans are complicated, sophisticated beings. And we all come standard with the most amazing tool on the planet: a brain. And it turns out that we can feel bummed AND excited to re-read our favorite books. We can be disappointed AND totally energized about learning to play the piano. We can feel inconvenienced AND feel completely productive about finally cleaning out the bedroom closets.
This pause is probably a once-in-a-lifetime experience. It’s the most unexpected and wild chance we’ve got to, as Tara Brach said, notice our inner experience. To CREATE an inner experience. To drop in and experience something other than simply rushing through another weekday. This is a moment the world hasn’t seen since maybe 1918 and the Spanish flu. And things have gotten a helluva lot more complicated and busy and frantic since then. We’ve gotten smarter and more sophisticated and have far more medical and technological advances available.
I don’t want to give you Pollyanna platitudes about getting through this moment in time. This is hard. No doubt. But it can be hard AND we can honor the pause. We can be disappointed and fearful and bummed out AND be willing and excited to take FULL advantage of everything this moment, this pause, is offering us.
Sound good? I love you guys. I’m thinking of you all and I’ll see you again tomorrow for another short, mini episode in this series, The How to Not Panic Sessions. Don’t hesitate to reach out - you can find me on Instagram @khanlinmccormick or through my website, www.kellyhanlinmccormick.com. I’m here for you, I’ve got you. We can do hard things and we can do hard things together. Alright, my friends?
Ok, see you tomorrow. And until then, take care.
